Do You Make This Common Leadership Mistake?
The scenario I mentioned above is a common one facing people who are thrust into a leadership role. It goes deeper than the old saying “power corrupts”, rather, the power builds weakness in the one who wields it… unless you know what to watch out for, and stay vigilant to make sure you don’t fall into the same trap.
The problem that I fell into was this:
I relied on my position to force compliance, instead of using my relationship to inspire respect.
In doing so, I bred weakness within myself, coming to rely on an external position instead of my own internal strength and relationships. By forcing people to follow, instead of being the type of person that they wanted to follow, I dramatically decreased my effectiveness as a leader. There are several techniques you can use to keep your focus on the relationship, instead of on compliance.
2 Ways to Keep Focus on the Relationship
1. Don’t Take it Personally
Oftentimes, as a leader, we take dissent as an affront to our authority or character… we take it personally. This can cause us to focus on “proving ourselves” or “putting them in their place”, which detracts from the relationship. Instead, when you get dissent, dissassociate the dissenters behavior from yourself, and ask yourself why they’re feeling and acting the way they are. From there, you can solve the problem in a way that will affirm the dissenter.
2. Remember the Emotional Bank Account
Sometimes, we rely on our position simply because it seems like too much work to reach out to a person, after all, it’s faster just to tell them what to do. In situations like these, it can help to remember that every time you borrow power from your position, you’re making a withdrawal from the emotional bank account (Credit Stephen Covey). It may be faster to do it that way, but do it consistently and one day you’re gonna get an overdraft charge, in the form of small or large acts of mutiny.
What Now?
Are you in a leadership position right now, formally or informally? Can you think of a recent situation where you borrowed power from your position instead of the relationship? Make a commitment right now to use the techniques mentioned above to become a better leader, and start by apologizing for the mistake you made. Be sure to let me know how it turns out in the comments!
Cheers,
Matt
dude that video was way to long for the content you were presenting. furthermore, the video seemed unnecesary b/c you could have written that out much more coherently. I liked your point about having the emotional maturity to deal with that other kid 1 on 1. maybe you could write something about this…would be much appreciated.
Thanks for the feedback Ann!
I’ll write something up and get it out in the next few days.
I enjoyed the content and have noticed the phenomenon as well. However, I agree with Ann that the video seemed to drag on and it would have been more effective to have written up the content you presented.
Thanks Sumed, I’m writing the article right now.
Hey Matt! Though your videos are long, I think they are useful and a characteristic of this collection of entries. This blog should be viewed as a personal and independent creation. Should we really be critiquing this work in all fairness and appropriateness?
Ultimately, I think a blog should be a conversation between the audience and the writer. Given my own goals, the goals of the blog, and my own beliefs, criticisms are most certainly welcome, and in this case I believe well placed.
I also agree with your comments Chris, as to the blog being in the end my creation, and while criticism is most certainly welcome, I will do my best to maintain the integrity of the blog and go against popular demand if I believe it best.
Thanks for explaining the dynamic here at LOF. If anything, my first instinct might be to relate my own experience in one of your entries, discuss a concept that resonates, or maybe even think through your subject matter. I would not critique the concept of the blog per se. At the end of the day, I am sure these suggestions will assist you in your future endeavors and will provide a suitable give and take between you and your followers. At the same time, be sure to stick to your “magic” guns when you need to do so.