Things You Don’t Talk About At The Dinner Table: being “safe” Vs. Being Safe
This is the first article in “Things You Don’t Talk About at the Dinner Table“, a series about how to create an environment of trust an openness, where anything can be discussed.
As I was walked around the mall, I came upon a group of teenagers looking up towards the ceiling and humming. That was awesome, so I asked them what they were doing.
They told me they were praying.
“But why are you praying in a mall?”
“We want to spread the word of god.”
“Oh, that sounds nice… how long have you been praying for?”
As we continued to talk, I told them of my disbelief in god, and they told me of their faith. A chance encounter with some random strangers turned into a fascinating discussion, in which I made some great friends that I still talk to to this day.
A teacher of mine once said that there are three things you should never talk about at the dinner table: Sex, Politics, and Religion. She wasn’t just talking about the dinner table of course. What she was really saying was that you should never discuss any of these topics with anybody except close friends. Many years ago, I would have agreed with her. Those topics are dangerous. They’re controversial; they’re divisive. I thought it was better to talk about “safe” topics like sports or what you did that day.
The truth is, there are no “safe” topics. The notion of safe topics is a band-aid, trying to cover up a gunshot wound. The entire idea of a safe topic in fact comes from the opposite mindset of safety, it comes from a mindset of fear. If you truly felt Safe, you would be able to talk about anything. And therein lies the crucial shift.
This is the first in a series of articles that will give you the mindsets, skills, and courage to create this safe climate. But it all starts with a decision. Are you going to be “safe” your whole life, going around being nice and polite and liked but never truly knowing anyone? Or are you going to step up, put yourself on the line, and truly get to know people on a core level?
Click Here to Read the Rest of this Series.
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I will admit that some of the cooles conversations can probably stem from these topics. On the flipside i have to admit i have had the experience of running into people that have a lot of identity invested in these topics. This makes for a very defensive person if they feel you dont agree with them. Although i would never worry about bruising someones ego, it can sometimes be a bother if they get hung up on it and dont want to move on with the conversation until they have unloaded their way of thinking.
I’ve found that the important thing is for the other person to know that you understand their point of view, and understand that they’re justified in holding it. A good rule of thumb is to never explain your own point of view until you can explain their point of view (the way they see it, not the way you see it) as good if not better than your own.