Life of Matt

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of requests for advice.  I’d like to think that it’s my understanding personality and wise demeanor… but a lot of it is just because I know how to give good advice without being douche.  To really be able to cause a positive change in someone’s life, you have to know when and how to give that perfect advice, in just the right way.  You need to walk that perfect line between being a dick and being a wiseman.  The trick  is to present the advice in such a way that people want to follow it. Here’s how:

1.Find the Question Behind the Question

People only come to you for advice with a specific question in mind.  But really, the question they have in mind is not the question that they need answers.  Remember, problems can’t be solved from the same level which they’re created… you need to find the question that they’re REALLY asking, and work from there.

2.  Keep It Simple, Stupid

You may have thousands of ideas and hours of insight into their specific problem, but none of that matters.  If you want what you say to have any effect, you need to distill it down to one or two key ideas that they’ll take away.

3. Be Artfully Vague

No one wants to be treated like a child.  People can figure things out for themselves, and by spoon feeding your advice into step by step pieces, what you’re really saying is you think they’re dumb.  Your job is merely to show them the way.  And nobody likes to think they need a flashing neon yellow sign that says “go this way”, instead, give them a little credit, and be vague (yet simple) with your message, allow them to figure out the finer points for themselves.

4. Know When to Ease Up

There’s only so much advice a person can take.  As soon as things start to get emotional, be willing to back off and just listen for a bit.  It’s vital that you don’t push a person too hard into whatever advice you’re giving them.

5. Know When to Crack Down

Being nice and understanding is great, but sometimes people are in need of a good asswhuppin.  Listening is one thing, but becoming a yes man is another matter entirely.  A general rule of thumb is that if you’re making allowances for someone that you wouldn’t allow for yourself, it’s time to crack down.

6. Use Humor

It can’t all be Yoda and Anakin, there has to be some Abbot and Costello as well.  Be willing to take a break from the advice giving for a second, and have a good laugh.

7. Don’t give Advice Unless Asked

I covered this recently in my Shut the Fuck Up article, but I think it deserves mention here again.  Even excellent advice, when uninvited, will NOT be heeded and will probably make you look like an ass as well.  First, wait for somebody to ask the advice, then follow the steps above.

I hope that these tips will help you give advice.  What tips do you know for giving excellent advice? Leave a comment and let me know